To the Great Value bread guy:

You're not going to pick up chicks in the grocery store with a loaf of store brand bread in your buggy!

Yesterday Laura and I went to Walmart to pick up a few things. In our cart we had a few scains of yarn, a hair product, Windex, and a half gallon of milk. Laura was picking out Progresso soups and I was acting bored when around the corner came this fellow with a buggy load. I mean over $200 worth filling the cart to where not another item could possibly be placed in the cart withoutcausing a landslide to the floor. There were multiple bags of Doritos, Tortinos pizzas, mac and cheese (and not the Cheesiest either), and a whole lot of trash. Crowning the heap was a single loaf of Great Value bread.

Now I'm not one to judge a person by what's in his cart, normally. I don't usually not the contents of another's cart, normally. But as this guy was passing us in the aisle he offered to trade carts with us. Is this a new pick up line? That's when I took a look as his swollen mound (the loaded buggy you sicko) and told him, "No way, we can't afford you."

He asked, "Now what's wrong with what I've got?" Which caused me to glance ever so quickly. . . nevermind. I told him his cart had nothing to offer but trash.

The next words out of his mouth were, "So, where are your husbands?"

Now, I'm not sure how we got from junk food choices to hubby's but I offered up a quick (and honest), "On the couch." and turned to push the cart but he wasn't done with us. He asked Laura what about her's to which she replied that she wasn't married yet.

He prodded more, "Yet? When's the big day?" I pushed the cart a little further and with my back to him said something like 2012 or maybe 2013. He continued on with a comment about her being too young to date. I kept pushing the buggy.

When we got around the corner Laura grinned at me and teased, "Oooooohhh, he was hitting on you!" I didn't think so. I think he was just throwing his line aimlessly hoping to drag something in. Recently divorced and horny, that was it.

It was then that I realized that I wasn't wearing my wedding rings. It's been so cold that I can't keep them on my finger and am afraid of losing them. I mentioned this to Laura. She asked me if anyone really looks at that. I thought about it. She may be right. I myself am an equal opportunity ogler.

This guy was well over six feet, medium build, not bad looking, not Keith but not bad, he could fix at least the horny part with a computer and a few minutes at Lavalife.com but he sure as hell wasn't going to win a date with that Great Value bread standing up there on the top of the accumulation declaring dude to be so tight his cheeks squeak when he walks."